Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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The convent might be a nice break from real life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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