This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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