apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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I need a burrito and a hug.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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