I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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