hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
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i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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