please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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