Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize