i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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