at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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