wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize