i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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