Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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