new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize