So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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