I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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