Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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