you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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