Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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