I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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