you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize