my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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