ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize