mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
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Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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