I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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