I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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