Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize