And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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