How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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