I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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