So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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