Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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