The maid of honor just puked.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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