Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize