I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize