I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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