you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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