Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize