you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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