Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize