Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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