Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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