tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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