I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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