my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do vagina's smell?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize