Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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