Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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