Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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