I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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