Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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