i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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